My life today

I have been wanted to write on this thing for a while and I haven't forgotten about my recovery blog and it's just life gets ahead of you and you just don't have time to sit down and update about whats going on in recovery. A year ago at this time I had a boyfriend and sadly I picked him over my recovery which is a major no no! I also finally got divorced from my ex husband and that was a two year drawn out process that is finally over. I have had major changes as my service in my group! I'm the alternate Gr now and I like it. I just have a  little more understanding as what alanon means for me and what it is doing and how I'm getting the best out of my recovery and how the program works for me. I don't have a sponsor and I'm kind of sad. I found an amazing sponsor who just led me in the right direction and then out of the blue she just leaves and I'm upset because I finally got what I needed and I was working my steps at the pase I wanted to and she had to hurt me and leave like she did. My old sponsor and I are still really good friends and we talk but we don't talk like a sponsor and a sponsee. I want to be a sponsor someday but first I want to work on myself and get myself in the direction I want to be in. I'm also not dating for a year because I just want to take this time to focus on me and my recovery. I need to take care of me and thats what I know is best so I'm going to grasp that and work on it. It will be two years in November since I have been in alanon and I have to say that I'm not the bitter person I used to be and I'm not so much a worry wart anymore. I don't let people upsetting me ruin my great day and I can laugh and be funny and just be myself not hold back like I used to. I can also be honest and open about the opinions that I express and I can just talk. I have changed mentally emotionally and physically and I like what I see. I still have debbie downer days but those have lessened alot and I just have 5 minutes of being mad or haveing bad feelings and I move on. I just have a better picture of who I am and who I want to become and I'm thankful that I can live a great life with great people and I don't have to change for anyone. I used to think that If I changed for the other  person that they would just accept me but now I don't think that way. I still have destored thinking and I'm still sick but I'm on my path to getting better and thats where I want to stay. I just want everyone to know that I'm doing this recovery for ME and no one else. I'm doing this at the pase that I want to do it and I don't have to change for anyone. I'm not choosing anyone over this again and I'm going to roll with the punches!
I have to go now
Kinley

How I look at recovery

It just came to me!

I look at recovery like a little baby looks at life.

When your first coming into alanon it's a new environment and your scared to look at life the way other people in the program see it.

When your one year in the program it's like your just getting the jist of how to live your life based on the steps and your feeling more confortable in the environment that your in.

When your in for 2 or more years it's like your starting to really grow and really get a grasp of what lies ahead and you start really knowing how to live your life through the work of these twelve steps.

Recovery is a life long journey you will have ups and downs and you will always know the true meaning of why you come to meetings.

I love going to meetings it has really opened my eyes to who I really am today and I love the person I am today because I know how to live my life the way I live it today. I have learned how to live one day at a time.

I think thats all for today

Kinley

Who I am today

I am so thankful for the program of alanon because today I know exactly who I am.
I just finished my fourth step but I know that I'm a good person and I have issues just like everybody else. I'm still sick but I know how to control stuff like anger and other issues that come my way.

I still get emotional and break down sometimes but who doesn't? I mean you have to have a good cry every once in a while. My recovery is going well and I only plan to move forward and finish my steps!

one year later and I'm still kicking

SO.... I have been in alanon for a year. I don't have a sponser but I plan to find another one when I find the one that I relate to the most! I was dating for a while but I was feeling smothered and controled and used. I broke up with him and it was the best decision I ever made!
theres not much to say but I wanted to update! my views on things have also changed. I started reading a book called codependency no more and it's really good. I have learned alot from it. I know now that I have major codeopendency issues still but I'm working on them every single day. I may not read my alanon stuff everyday but I stilll work at my recovery.
I think I started dating too soon, I thought I was ready but in reality I should still wait.
I have to go now but here is an update
Love,
Kinley

I'm still alive and running

so.... alot has happened since I last posted. I have not been to a meeting in over a month. life has just gotten away from me sadly but true. I have a boyfriend and my mom just had major surgury so I have been doing extra stuff for them while she is out of work. anyway! I will go back to meeting I just have been so busy that I have other oblagations that I have to put first like tonight I had to work insteading of switching my shift to the day time I knew that I needed the money so I worked instead of meeting. I do miss it it's just that right now I have other things going on in my life and my life is taking me in directions and I can't be pulled. things have been great with my recovery. I do my fourth step about once or twice a week. I'm kind of stuck though. I am going to have to have my counsler help me with it. I haven't even thought about starting my fifth step and I haven't even met with my sponser for a while. I just don't feel like she truly is there. I mean she calls for like 5 seconds asks me how I am doing and gets off the phone. I mean she doesn't call any other time or anything like that. I mean comeon. at least she hasn't been parenting me but then again I haven't really talked to her about anything so she can't. See the way it works.
anyways I have to get up early in the morning so I have to go to bed
until next time
Kinley

Venting about my sponser

I have a great sponser and she is a great friend! but sometimes she really bugs me!
I am the type of person who just doesn't like people trying to parent me when I don't need it! or the type of person who tries to tell me how to feel so to speak!
anyway I was talking with her about my fourth step well I'm doing it in the blueprint for progress because taht is easier for me! well instead of asking me questions about what she didn't understand she told me that I was hurting myself over being mad about something. one time she told me I was playing god! that pissed me off right then and there I was about ready to walk out of the room and never look back! she has pressured me about where to apply for jobs and when I really need to talk to her it's like she's to busy! I want  someone that will help me along with my recovery or someone who is working the steps to so that we are working them together! I have a friend who just started the program and I may actually become her sponser about a year in the program! she told me that she wanted me to help her with the steps and to sponser her! I didn't presure her or anything!Mysponser was like well she needs to decide what she wants to do about working her steps and me being her sponser! I did not even presure her into this decision! she asked me and told me that she wanted me to help her start her step work! it's just the little things that bug me but man I just need some relief!
anyways I have to work early in the am so I have to head to bed
until next time
Kinley

what alanon has done for me?

Ok.... so I have been wanting to start a blog on my recovery for a long time now since I have been going to meetings.
I remember last November when I went to my first meeting and I was so scared and I sat there with my sweat shirt over my head not knowing what to say. I was thinking in my head why am I here? what has my counsler done to me?
anyway I kept going back but that never really stuck until I reached a month, and then before you know it here I am today 8 months later working my steps and man my life has changed so much in the past 8 months!
so why the question! well here is the answer!
Alanon has put people in my life that I thought I would never have come to even talk to me and I have made some new friends and because of this program I can stick to my boundries and let people know what I expect in the relationship!
I have A VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!
why is that so hard for me to say?
because growing up I was always told to keep my mouth shut so I held everything inside until I explode! I still do that but I'm learning that, it is not very healthy to do that so I'm trying to change it!
anyways whos perfect?
NO ONE!!!!!
I have also learned alot about my self with this program!
I'm actually starting to get to know who I am and to accept myself!
that is HUGE!!!!
anyways I will post more later but this will be awesome!
Love you all
Kinley